My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...