I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Dating After Heartbreak
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.