I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
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This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
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I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..