paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0