I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it