i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
