it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
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I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.