Sacagawea was the original milf.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November