Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My penis needs a shock collar
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
