What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
