I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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