nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
