gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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