i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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