I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
it's great music for shaving your balls
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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