people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
