Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
