All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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