What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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