you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm like, not good at living.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
