My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
