Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
