i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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