I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Randomize