I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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