I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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