yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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