you have to choose: penises or morals?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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