alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
