I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
