I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
