Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
