I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
