so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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