To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
