I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
