While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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