Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
