She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
