Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
