So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
