Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
