I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
