nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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