apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
