In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
