i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
