Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
