it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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