Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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