i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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