i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
