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I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Never underestimate the power of titties
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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