mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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