you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
