is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
