My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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