Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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