You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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