All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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