SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
