3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
