May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
