We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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