I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
