who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
