I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
