i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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