Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
