i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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