Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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