if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He kissed a someone with a penis
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
