Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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